Kazekage Misadventures
by YonderB
Summary: Just humorous drabbles about our favorite redheaded insomniac psychopath Kazekage.
1. Bandanna

It was a normal occurrence to find the young, red-headded Kazekage doing something odd, misleading, or mind-befuddling, so, seeing him wearing a simple black and white printed bandanna was innocent as a baby. Or was it merely to catch the ones around him off-guard?

Gaara passed Kankurou in the hallway, his black and white bandanna, printed not unlike the stripes of a tiger, hid his forehead and quite a lot of his blood-red hair, tied in a simple knot just at the nape of his head.

Kankurou stopped his younger sibling in the hallway and asked what the bandanna was for, because the whole staff of the kazekage-building were more than a little confused. Some had said it was a show of his 'wild side', others said it came off and choked people to death, others said it was something he strangled the last ambassador from the hidden village of grass with –that poor man had not been seen for the last five weeks–.

Gaara stared at Kankurou with flat, emotionless eyes and finally answered, "I just want to."

((END. Gaara rocks. End of story. These are just unrelated drabbles about Gaara from one-word prompts from my best friend, mainly. But, you people out there –points at the people across the vast expanse of internet– are free to send me keywords and prompts in a review or something.))


	2. Emotion

Kankurou wanted to get something out of his brother. It was simple as that. He wanted more than just a little twitch of a finger, or a blink of an eye. He wanted a _complete_ and _easy-to-read_ emotion.

Thus, he shoved an open nude magazine in said sixteen year-old's face in a crowded street.

Gaara merely looked at the nude woman's picture.

Kankurou waited for it.

Gaara blinked.

Kankurou waited a little more.

Gaara blinked again.

Kankurou was getting impatient.

Gaara's eyes slowly rose over the edge of the magazine and looked at Kankurou.

Said older brother grinned.

"Her breasts are fake." Gaara stated.

((END. This was written in a record two minutes and fourteen typos. Go me.))


	3. Paddleball

"You need to get a hobby!" Temari squawked one day, innocently enough, not truly thinking ahead, that Gaara actually _might_ take her advice.

_Pok pok pok pok_

Kankurou blinked two days later, from his place on the couch. "Whazzat?"

_Pok pok pok pok_

Temari came down the hall, staring at Kankurou with curious eyes. "What the hell is that noise?"

_Pok pok pok pok_

The answer came swiftly.

Gaara passed them both, walking along easily, eyes ahead of himself, a paddle-ball in hand.

_Pok pok pok pok_

The ball whizzed back and forward, hitting the paddle and springing outwards, before hitting the paddle again. It continued doing this for at least five minutes, Gaara's siblings staring at it, before it finally bounded strait off the side and flew off, before just dangling in mid-air by it's string.

Gaara sighed. "Only three-thousand and forty two, that time."

((END. paddle-ball is impossible. If anyone can tell me a better name for it, i'd be delighted.))


	4. Heat

"I hate you."

Gaara looked at Kankurou.

"I really hate you," hissed the brunette.

Gaara smirked, sitting on his brother's bed, clad in his thick, dark, usual apparel, as well as a sheep-skin coat.

Kankurou, sprawled across the floor with nothing on but a towel, five fans situated around him, panting for breath, soaked in his own sweat.

It was fifty degrees C. Gaara was teasing him. Kankurou couldn't even get up from the heat.

Gaara looked for a beanie and scarf.

"I really, _really_ hate you."

((END. I'm pretty sure Gaara can't feel extreme temperatures. It'd explain a hell of a lot.))


	5. Snow

"What's that?"

"Snow."

"What does it do?"

"Nothing."

"What's the use of it?"

"It doesn't have any."

Kankurou eyed Gaara who was staring up at the sky, on the edge of Konoha, snow gently fluttering down in the breeze.

"It looks like fluff."

Kankurou blinked at the innocent statement from his younger brother, but stared up at the tiny speckles of white too.

"Yeah, it does."

((END. just some nice brotherly fluff.))


	6. ANBU

It was the beginning of his fan-hoard. He didn't know of it then, but he had an inkling of distrust of his fellow ANBU companions.

Gaara stood there, in the usual ANBU garb, waiting for a mission, his gourd strapped to his back, when one of the female ANBU, with an obnoxiously large chest, strutted up to him and gave him a purr and a wink.

Gaara found nothing attractive about himself, but, apparently, tight black sleeveless tops and aloof attitudes were really fetching.

Gaara decided to stand near Kankurou at all times after that.

((END. Because tight black shirts are _always_ sexy.))


	7. Pencil

Gaara sat at one of the meetings, his eyes fixed directly in front of him, at nothing in particular. He usually didn't have to do much in these meetings. Just be quiet, listen, and don't sneeze.

The man beside him smelt of turnips.

_tap tap tap_

Gaara's eyes floated to Baki, who was listening to the man speaking, and was tapping a pencil against the table. A nervous habit if Gaara ever saw one.

_tap tap tap_

Gaara glared at the pencil. It's tapping was distracting. Didin't it know that? Why didn't the pencil stop tapping? It was very distracting. Stupid pencil.

The tapping continued all through the meeting, and, funnily enough, the people of the board were surprised when the meeting ended and the Kazekage promptly got up on the table, stalked over to Baki's place, and rose a foot, before stomping on the pencil lying there. Repeatedly.

"A little off his rocker, isn't he?"

"I don't think he was ever on it in the first place."

Gaara just continued stamping on the pencil until it was nothing but dust, and still, he only stopped after that, when Kankurou grabbed him and lead him away, mumbling something about 'padded walls for today'.

((END. I hate repetitive noises.))


	8. Glitter

"_EEAARRGHHHHHHHHH!_"

Gaara tried to look surprised when he heard the enraged scream of his older brother. Kankurou thundered down the stairs of the house before promptly tearing into Gaara's study, his face red and his eyes wide with craziness.

"You did it, didn't you?!" Kankurou roared.

Gaara blinked at him. "Did what?"

"You know precisely '_what_'!" bellowed the older sibling, his face going a darker red.

Gaara was the picture of innocence.

Kankurou rose a shaking, and restrained finger. "I'll catch you, one day," he snarled. "I'll catch you, and then you won't be able to deny it _was_ you!"

Gaara just smiled innocently and watched Kankurou storm back out of his study.

Kankurou should be happy Gaara mixes glitter into his face-paint every once in a while. Kankurou plays with dolls and wears make-up. Who says he's not allowed to be 'pretty'?

((END. Glitter is the cause of all evils. You know it. I know it. Buy some next time you're at a store.))


	9. Rose

It was Temari's 'time of the month', and Gaara still didn't know the signs for when to run and when to keep your mouth shut.

Quite suddenly one day, Temari pranced into his office, causing the young teen to squeak and knock one of his inkwells onto the ground, and she innocently handed him a nice red rose.

Gaara blinked at it. Was it going to explode?

Temari pushed it into his hand, and promptly pranced back out cheerily.

Gaara blinked at it. It _was_ going to explode, wasn't it?

Instead, a big fat caterpillar crawled onto his hand from under one of the leafs.

Gaara observed the caterpillar curiously, as the larva did the same to him.

Gaara thought the caterpillar's markings were rather pretty. The caterpillar thought the same thing about Gaara's 'ai'.

Kankurou found a pretty red rose on his bed the next day. It exploded. Weeks later, he still couldn't get the glitter out of his sheets.

((END. See? Glitter is evil! A shameless plug for my PMS fic about Temari's 'time of the month', in there.))


	10. Water

Gaara stood there, deadpan.

"You did say he'd be... _happy_, right?" Temari whispered at Kankurou.

"It was your goddamn idea!" Kankurou hissed back.

The remaining pieces of the pink water-baloon that just assaulted Gaara's person fell from his hair and onto the sandy ground.

Water. He _hated_ water. It was sticky, it oozed, and, worst of all, it was _wet_.

Temari and Kankurou inched backwards. Gaara smirked morbidly wide, a gleeful cackle in the back of his head squealing "keel 'em!", before Kankurou and Temari promptly lost their footing and keeled backwards--

_SPLASH_

Both older siblings stared at what they were lying in.

A paddle-pool.

Gaara smirked at them both and stated "never challenge me, bitches."

((END. Because Gaara kicks ass in _everything_. and, sorry for spamming your emails with updates.))


	11. Question

"Gaara, what are you doing?"

Gaara's eyes snapped up.

Questions! Gaara _hated_ questions. He hated them so much he wanted to _stamp_ on them, but it was difficult to stamp on a sound.

A little like dancing, stomping was. But, you're sort of moving your body about too, as well as your feet.

Oh, how _happy_ he felt felt right now. All fuzzy like a pair of slippers, oh, happy day.

Happy like watermelons! Oh_, yes!_

At the sound of her brother's euphoric giggling, and the sight of his glassy eyes and shaking hands, Temari decided that she's make sure all coffee was gone from the premises by the next morning.

((END. Good lord, thank you Chaotic Demon for those thirteen prompts! I've been writing them like the obsessive little fangirl I am!))


	12. Octopus

"What the _hell_ is that?"

Kankurou sighed, it wasn't as spectacular reaction as he'd hoped, but, oh well.

"It's an octopus!"

The look he received from Gaara could only been read as 'what the _hell_ did you just say to me, minion?!'

"Ock-tah-puss!" Kankurou pronounced the word for his younger brother's ears.

Gaara stood before the tank with a scandalized look of shock on his face, staring at the... _thing_.

"Is it supposed to look like Temari?"

"Nah, that's just a bonus!"

"She's going to kill you."

((END. Octopuses are yummy. Prompt from Chaotic Demon, and the future eleven ones will be also. Send me a prompt if you wish!))


	13. Book

Gaara had gotten used to the octopus in the sitting-room.

Gaara would often just lean down to stare at it through the glass, and the gelatin-like, eight-legged, Temari-look-alike would stare right back at him with it's marble-like eyes.

It would shimmy to one side, before shimmying to the other, before –_WHAMP_– Gaara would jump backwards, staring at the glass that was directly where his face had been seconds before, where, the octopus was quite impressively, stuck to it, as though it just tried to eat Gaara's face through the glass.

It was odd, therefore, when Gaara passed the tank four weeks after Kankurou got the cephalopod, to be unable to see the creature in his peripheral vision.

Gaara turned to the tank and blinked at it, to see the yellow-green gelatin-like creature –it was blue yesterday– huddled inside the hollow ceramic rock that Kankurou had put there, in the far corner of the aquarium.

"What's up?" Gaara questioned it. The Kazekage was a 'sex-god'. As he was refereed to as, by his adoring hoard. Who said he wasn't allowed to speak to animals and intimate objects on his time off?

Said octopus knotted a few of it's tentacles and stared at him as though it had only just survived being eaten by a giant fat guy. It then stared to the opposite side of the tank and shrunk to half of it's original size and cowered in the hollow rock some more.

Gaara stared at what was leant against the opposite side of the tank.

He sighed. Temari knew how to get the point across; that she was not happy about having a cephalopod in the house.

It was a book.

_How to cook octopus. Five easy recipes._

((END. Yes, I think the octopus is going to be a regular in these drabbles. It needs a name, though. Thanks again, Chaotic Demon for the prompts. I'm working on them!))


	14. Prince

It was common knowledge that the Kazekage was a sexy beast.

It was also common knowledge that the Kazekage was the 'hottest man alive'.

But, Gaara thought, he had never been referred to as a 'prince' before.

He was sitting in his office, perfumed pink packages in a humungous horrible heap on his desk, his coffee; sacred and secure, in a small valley between a glittery box and a painted envelope.

Gaara stared at the single love-letter in his hand.

He only opened ones that interested him. On average, only one in fourteen thousand and twenty seven interested him, but this one did.

It was in a plain white envelope entitled 'Prince'.

Gaara stared at the envelope, before expertly opening it with a flick of a kunai.

Inside was a single picture. It was of a pumpkin.

Gaara twitched. That was the fourth time. The fourth time he had been sent a letter to 'Prince' that had a picture of a pumpkin in it.

What Gaara never noticed, was that tiny smear of ramen soup in the corner of every white envelope.

"You think he's figured it out yet?" Naruto giggled cheerily.

"I doubt it," sniggered Kiba.

((END. I have no idea what is going on with this one, nor do I know why my alliteration is getting out of hand. Oh well. Think up your own back-story to this. Hell if I know.))


	15. Tail

"Oh my god..."

"Holy shit!"

"What the _hell_ is what?"

Gaara was not having a good day.

Said kazekage continued to stalk the corridors of the Kazkeage Building, _Pure Doom™_ emanating from every pore in his handsome body, warning everyone who came within a forty seven kilometer radius, that he was_ pissed off._

'_This is your fault,_' Gaara snapped waspishly to the roommate of his brain.

_'It's yours for not letting me out more often!_' Suna No Shukaku huffed haughtily back, crossing his arms over his large sandy belly somewhere in the corner of Gaara's head.

Gaara just continued to stomp through the corridors, his tanuki tail slashing from side to side, the large storm cloud floating above Gaara's head promptly decided to start thundering.

((END. Yes, Shukaku needed to be in a drabble. He's just a big, fat teddy.))


	16. Draft

Gaara stared at it.

Temari grinned and waved the rolled-up scroll in Gaara's face.

The red-head looked paler than usual.

The scroll was pink, about as thick as a phone-pole, and covered in purple glitter.

Temari opened up the scroll slightly and continued grinning at Gaara like some sort of hormonally over-charged cheerleader.

"This is the draft of the petition I heard about last week," the female sniggered, some of the excess purple glitter falling from the scroll and fluttering to the floor.

"_Draft?_" Gaara croaked, eyes widening.

Temari nodded cheerily. "Yeah! Not all of the girls signed. We didn't have enough paper."

Gaara was close to having a stroke.

Temari shifted her hands gripping the pink and purple abomination to shake her unresponsive brother's shoulder slightly, the Kazekage keeling over and falling onto the ground with a semi-loud _thud_.

The petition was to alter the Kazekage robes so it was merely a pair of shorts and a hat.

Needless to say, the petition disappeared a few hours later; there was a suspicious purple powder smeared over the Kazekage's desk and a large scorch-mark on the floor.

((END. The prompt 'draft' gave me trouble, and I don't really like how I wrote this, but, oh well.))


	17. Buns

"... And then his gut exploded and I went out to get some coffee."

Gaara sat contentedly on a bench beside his brother, the two of them sitting just outside of a restaurant, under a large shady sakura tree.

How that tree survived in the desert, Gaara never knew.

Kankurou looked mildly green from Gaara's little story, and hurriedly handed the younger brother the box of food they'd just purchased and shot down the street and toward their home, and their bathrooms.

Gaara smirked and opened the box, plucking a steaming hot pork bun out, before taking a bite out of it.

He never liked sharing.

((END. God, I love bao. I'd kill for those pork buns! ... with the prompt 'buns', I chose to go with the edible kind.))


	18. Rug

Sabaku no Gaara, the infamous, drop-dead –literally _and_ figuratively– gorgeous Godaime Kazekage was the teen of legends: He was good-looking, had _magnificent_ eyes, and a great body to boot. (Whenever he is blackmailed into taking any of his clothing off, that is.)

So, one would positively drool at the thought of our dear little red-head lying, topless, stomach-down, ontop of a cream-coloured shag rug, would one not?

Yes one would.

Two would probably too, but, you'll have to ask them.

... Ahem, _anyway_.

There Gaara lay, sprawled across a cream-coloured shag rug, his arms tucked underneath his bare chest, his legs crossed at the ankle, and his cheek pressed against the fluffy cream fur of the rug, eyes half-closed.

No person in their right mind would've been the one to shatter this perfect show of eyecandy and serenity.

'_Y'know, looking like you just had the best sex of your life on a sheath of dead skin and hair is not the best thing for you to do, mate._'

... I said 'no _person_ in their _right mind_'.

Gaara sighed bloodily, the fur of the shag rug tickling at his nose.

"Fuck off, Shukaku."

'_What?_' questioned the demon that took up valuable space in the red-heads brain that should be holding the suggested amount of sanity, instead of a fat sand-demon. '_You actually _**_did_**_ get laid?_'

Gaara buried his face in the furry rug and let out a tired sigh.

'_Hah! I knew you didn't!_' cackled Shukaku, his large sandy belly bouncing as he laughed, in a teeny corner of Gaara's warped brain.

Before Gaara could threaten Shukaku into being quiet by mental-castration, Kankurou burst into the room, looking frightened. Gaara's head immediately snapped up and stared at his older brother with wide eyes.

"_Run,_" was all Kankurou hissed.

Gaara only just shot to his feet before Kankurou was shoved out of the doorway by a hoard of hormone-infested, foaming-at-the-mouth... _females_.

Gaara felt his blood run cold as he stared at their beady eyes, their lipstick-lathered lips and their make up-encrusted faces, before he lost his cool completely, promptly bolted for the window, wrenched it open and jumped out.

Who cared if he was on the_ fifth floor_?

He could've sworn he felt one of their hands nearly grab his ankle before he plummeted to the street below and landed not unlike a frog beside a rather amused old lady in a rocking chair.

Gaara gave the old lady a quick smile before running as fast as he could toward his house, and his two-foot-thick, lockable cellar door.

'_I'd run a little faster if I were you,_' sniggered Shukaku's voice in Gaara's ear.

'_I think human mating-season is coming up._'

Gaara's velocity _tripled_.

((END. I'm getting my drabble-groove back, I think! Yaaay! I enjoyed writing this greatly, I think it shows by how friggin LONG it is! Arg! I didn't mean for it to be so long! ... I wanted to put Shukaku in a drabble again, so... yeah. And, if I didn't put it well enough in words, Gaara's trying to regain some energy while lying on the rug. Why on the rug? ... Because it's _fluffy_.))


	19. Dress

Kill. Maim. Murder.

Gaara nodded to himself. Evil thoughts. Evil thoughts will distract him from his current situation.

Laceration. Gore.

The sniggering in the back of his head was getting distracting. Shukaku was _mocking him_.

Gaara thinned his lips and tried to continue with his 'evil thoughts'.

Stab. Pain--

_doink!_

_URGH! _**_PAIN_**

Gaara's eyes snapped open. "Temari, watch it!" he barked, staring down at his sister as she grinned sheepishly and removed the needle from his leg.

Shukaku's sniggering morphed into full-blown ear-splitting howling.

Gaara stared up at the heavens and tried not to burst into tears when he looked back down, and caught sight of himself in the mirror that hung on the wall.

Gaara was wearing a _dress_. Not just _any_ dress. A _pink dress_.

Pink.

MANLY AND OH-SO-SEXY KAZEKAGE'S _DO NOT WEAR PINK DRESSES._

Temari hummed to herself cheerily and continued to tailor the dress she'd blackmailed Gaara into wearing. He was the only one who was small enough to fit into it, really.

Twirling the needle and thread in her fingers, she started adding _frills_.

Gaara was so close to tears he had to cover his face in shame.

Shukaku was laughing so hard and rolling around in Gaara's head that the sand that usually protected the teen completely forgot about it's job.

_doink!_

"**_YEOW!_**"

((END. I enjoyed this. _Far too much._))


	20. Cat

Gaara stared at it.

It stared back.

'_Boom._' Gaara thought. '_It's going to go boom._'

But, it didn't go boom for the whole fifteen minutes Gaara stared at it.

Temari shoved the door of the office open with a bang. "Hey, Garaa what--?" the elder sister's question died on her lips as she blinked and stared at her younger brother, who was pressed against the wall as far away from his desk as possible.

Temari looked at his desk, before promptly exploding into squeals and coos.

"Oh, isn't it _adorable?_" she squealed, running over to the oak desk and staring at the fluffy orange basketball-like cat that sat in the whicker-basket in the exact center of Gaara's desk.

"_Don't!_" Gaara hissed urgently. "It'll go _boom!_"

Much to Gaara's distress, Temari pulled the pom-pom-with-eyes-and-a-tail from the whicker-basket and cupped it to her chest. "Aww, aren't you a widdle sweetums??"

Kankurou walked into the office a second later. "Gaara, have you seen-- Oh! Temari! There you are!"

Temari turned around with the basketball-sized ginger pompom attached to her chest. "Kankurou!" She squealed. "Isn't it _cute??_"

Kankurou blinked and wondered what animal it was. He couldn't see it's face.

"It's going to go _boom_..." Gaara whimpered from his place pressed against the wall.

Unfortunately, it did _not_ go boom, and Temari blackmailed Gaara into letting her keep it.

Gaara still didn't know where the hell the cat had come from a week later, and he didn't trust it.

Cats are not to be trusted under _any_ circumstances.

((END. The cat needs a name too, so, just throw them at me! I'm wearing my helmet! I'm on drabble-making fire! I've already got the next three coming! The reason Gaara keeps on thinking it'll go boom is because his fanmail usually gets put on his desk. He's getting paranoid.))


	21. Lazy

"Go in and make yourself at home!" came Temari's happy chirp.

Gaara frowned. What the _who_?

Here Gaara was; lying across his favorite red velour couch, his arms behind his head and his socked feet propped up on the arm of the couch, dosing mentally –he couldn't sleep. The raccoon would eat him. Such a delectable image, no?–, eyes closed, and he heard Temari inviting someone in _his house_?

Sure, not _his_ house; _their_ house; his _families'_ house. But, still!

Gaara heard lazy steps shuffling into the living room where he was, and he head them pause.

'_Try to kill me in my 'sleep', and i'll kill you right back, bitch,_' Gaara threatened. He truly did look like he was asleep on the outside, but he wasn't.

The lazy footsteps hesitantly started again, and he heard whoever it was settle themself into the armchair furthest from Gaara, but directly opposite him.

Gaara didn't smirk, but he _wanted_ to. Oh, a challenge, was it?

A lazy sigh floated through the air. Was this guy _lazy_ or what?

Gaara was just about to kill the goddamn trespasser when he heard Temari's heavy footsteps enter the room; his finger barely twitching behind his head at the sudden urge to kill that he quickly stamped down.

Killing in front of your siblings is rude.

"Here." Temari probably handed Mr Lazy a drink from the sound of ice clinking together.

There was a vague mumble of thanks and Gaara wanted kill the bastard –Mr Lazy, he'd dubbed him– and get it over with.

Then, Gaara heard something he didn't want to hear.

_Ever._

The sound that even _he_ knew.

Badass and oh-so-sexy Kazekage but-you-can't-touch-this Gaara,_ knew that sound_.

He _had_ to open his eyes.

His mouth fell open.

_the. Fucking. BASTARD_.

Temari straitened up from kissing Shikamaru on the cheek, her own cheeks a mild pink before mumbling something about needing some more ice and rushing out of the room.

Shikamaru placed a hand to his cheek, eyebrows raised, staring after the older teen who was his guide in Suna. He blinked once before lowering his hand. '_Huh._' Shikamaru thought.

The brunette looked back in front of him; startled by the slight sound of shifting material, and he froze.

Gaara slowly rose from his lying position, teeth bared and eyes alight with nothing less than a maniac lust for blood.

'_Oh, no you did NOT!_' Gaara snarled in his head, outstretching his hands for Shikamaru's throat.

Temari sighed, her hands covering her face, standing in the kitchen. Why did she just do that? Fuck. Aw, what was he going to think? What was he--

Quite suddenly, the deafening, explosion-like sound of the sitting-room's walls being blown into smithereens brought her out of her mental questionnaire and she poked her head around the doorway just in time to see a Shikamaru-shaped blur run faster than she'd ever seen him run before, and Gaara run after him, waving his fists and sand flying everywhere.

"_GET BACK HERE, MR LAZY!_"

((END. The moment I saw the word 'lazy', I thought of Shikamaru. Not my best, I admit. Gaara's just being a good little protective little brother. Sorry for the people who aren't TemaShika fans. I am. So, I wrote something for it. Anyway, I don't like the fact that my drabbles are getting so long. I'll try to cut them down.))


	22. Snore

Gaara could never sleep.

One reason was because of the fact that he had a giant sand-demon racing around inside his brain, and if he slept, it would promptly take over his body and go around killing everyone.

But, even if Gaara _didn't_ have a giant sand-demon racing around inside his brain, a little something would keep him awake anyway.

This 'little something' was currently making the house shake like it was right on the edge of a tectonic plate during an earthquake.

Gaara sighed, fiddling with his half-empty –oh, yes. He's not a 'half-full' person at all– coffee cup, sitting in the kitchen, glaring at the microwave.

Gaara's family _snored_.

Not the soft snuffling noises one usually heard, but; the full-blown _elephant-with-half-it's-nose-full-of-snot_ snoring.

Wincing as another eardrum-shattering snore exploded from upstairs, Gaara felt something brush against his legs. Glancing under the table, Gaara saw a basketball-sized ginger fuzz.

"Hello, Kyo."

The orange fuzz-ball-like cat stared up at him with large red eyes before it's long tail slashed from side to side in complete and utter unadulterated loathing.

The feeling was mutual.

Gaara huffed and shoved Kyo the ginger cat out from under the table with a socked foot. Temari chose the most cliché names. 'Kyo' meant 'ginger'.

Kyo glared up at the red-headed minion. He did not like that minion. Not at all.

And to punish he red-headed minion for the fact that Kyo just didn't like him, Kyo went to sink his razor-sharp claws into the appendage that had so rudely shoved him from under the table.

Kyo raised a paw, but--

Quite suddenly, a monstrous noise exploded around him, shooting into his ears and through his eardrums; and immediately, lightning-bolts of pain shot strait into his brain.

_THE _**_AGONY_**

Gaara winced again as Temari and Kankurou snored again in unison, then glanced down to find Kyo writhing around on the tiled floor like a puddle of living orange fur.

Gaara sighed and placed his chin into his hand.

He supposed it was better that he wasn't the only one the suffer.

((END. I called him 'Kyo' because more than one person told me there was an orange cat called Kyo in the anime 'Fruits Basket'. I looked him up on wikipedia and youtube, and just shrugged and went "okay". I'm actually tempted to watch Fruits Basket now. I've never watched it before. And, just to give you a little useless information that you'll never use in the future; I was listening to 'What's New Pussy Cat' white writing this. . . My drabbles are getting longer. Dammit.))


	23. Vase

"_**MOTHER**_ _OF A--!!_"

Kankurou huffed. _Sure_. Temari gets the spectacular reactions.

Temari whipped around to see her youngest brother standing in the doorway, leaning backwards precariously, as though he was about to turn tail and run for it, his mouth agape, eyes bugged.

"Something wrong?" Temari blinked.

Gaara's mouth opened and closed, but no noise came out.

"I think he's in an acute state of shock because of what you brought home," Kankurou stated flatly from his place beside Temari, arms crossed.

Temari blinked again, looking from Gaara, to Kankurou, and back again.

"What? You don't think he likes it?"

Gaara gaped openly at the thing in the corner of the room behind Temari and Kankurou.

All Gaara could compare it to was Temari's half-burned meatloaf that had started growing mold with a few carrot-sticks half-impaled in it. It was still in the fridge, but that wasn't the point.

The thing in the corner was a freak of nature. It was _wrong_. It was... was...

"Gaara, do you like my vase?" Temari chirped curiously.

Gaara made a vague choking noise, clapping a hand over his mouth before quickly speeding out of the room.

Kankurou huffed again. Temari _always_ got the spectacular reactions.

((END. HAH! TAKE _THAT_, CHAOTIC DEMON! I did it! I did all thirteen of your prompts! BWAHAHAHAAA! ... am too proud of myself. yay. Anyway, this could've been entirely different, but, I decided just to do something short and sweet. Ta. I DID IT! AHAHAHAAAA!!!))


	24. Ice–Cream

Gaara sighed, sitting moodily on a bench, by the large, glass doors that was the entrance to the Kazekage building. Temari had told him to go outside and have some fresh air, then shoved him out the door with an ice-cream.

He didn't even _like_ ice-cream.

Gaara stared at the glob of frozen white cream on a cone and sighed, raising it slightly above eye-level to stare at it.

It was weird. It was frozen cream, yet it was all mushy and goopy.

Gaara blinked at himself. That was the first time he'd used the words 'mushy' and 'goopy' describing anything other than Naruto's romantic feelings for Sakura.

Oh, _yes_. Gaara knew about that. He didn't have his head shoved so far up his ass not to notice _that_.

Gaara stood and went to walk back into the building, to find the doors refusing to open.

Gaara blinked, then looked through the glass to see Temari and a few of the other workers on the other side of it, watching him.

Temari gave him a pointed look, then motioned at his ice-cream.

Gaara looked down at it, then rose it to eye-level, and pointed at it questioningly, blinking at Temari.

Temari nodded firmly.

Gaara looked appalled. Temari wanted him to _eat this shit_?

Gaara glared at her. Sure, he could walk up one of the walls and jump in through a window to get in, but he wouldn't put it past Temari to have booby-trapped them.

The oh-so-sexy Kazekage sighed. Temari really took Gaara's well-being way too seriously when it came to time-off.

Gaara winced when he felt a dribble of the half-melted ice-cream flow over his fingers, down his wrist, and halfway down his forearm.

_Ew._ It was _sticky_.

Gaara then got an idea and glanced at the other workers standing around Temari on the other side of the glass.

Most of them were females. This was _bound_ to work.

Raising his arm over his head, a slow, morbid smirk melted onto Gaara's lips before he gently opened his mouth, poking his tongue out lazily, before leisurely raking his tongue up the long white line the ice-cream had created on his arm.

The door whizzed open the moment he started sucking on his sticky, ice-cream lathered fingers.

Gaara smirked and walked past the dazed group of workers and Temari –who looked like she was suffering a mental breakdown–, before he walked into his office and sat down behind his desk, throwing the remainder of the melted ice-cream into the bin beside it.

Gaara sighed and wiggled his still-sticky fingers and licked a smudge of the vanilla ice-cream from the corner of his mouth.

He was going to have even more fangirls tomorrow.

((END. Most definitely not my best. Wrote it quite a while ago, actually. But, i've started on Amberfox and Lyell's fourteen prompts! One down, thirteen to go! and, I must say, what interesting mental images those prompts cook up. And, Thanks Chaotic Demon for the prompts from before! Couldn't done this drabble-fic-type-thing without you!))


	25. Watermelon

Gaara had dignity.

Quite a lot of it, in fact.

But, this dignity seemed to flee and leave him on his lonesome when it came to food or looking 'cute'.

So, at the mention of watermelon, Gaara's dignity broke the sound-barrior and disappeared out the door before Gaara could say a word to try and convince it to stay.

Temari giggled expectantly as she watched her littlest brother eat the watermelon piece she gave him. She's purposely cut him a piece a little to big for him. Kankurou sat beside her; about amused as she was. Neither of them were paying attention to their own watermelon slices.

Gaara sat opposite them, trying and failing to eat the vaguely-sweet fruit without getting any of the watery juice on his cheeks.

The red-head of the family was more than upset when he noticed he had a rather large glob of the sweet pink flesh sticking to the end of his nose.

Temari exploded into squeals and coos while Gaara's dignity sobbed quietly from a neighboring country.

((END. Despite my eating watermelon for three strait days, I was at a loss as what to write for this one. Hope it was alright. I would write a special drabble for the 150th review of this fic, but, well, I'm doing drabbles anyway. Sorry! Got any ideas for what I should do, just give me a yell. Maybe i'll do it for my 200th review.))


	26. Eyeliner

A loud an undignified snort sounded from behind Gaara's right shoulder, where Kankurou stood.

Gaara stared down at the child who looked hardly old enough to start picking it's own nose. He didn't trust himself to open his mouth and ask the child to repeat what it had just said. Despite being well-mannered, Gaara knew how to swear, and found it very difficult not to do so sometimes.

Kankurou bit his tongue in a futile effort to stop himself laughing, his eyes squeezed closed and lips pressed in a firm line.

Silence reigned for longer than five minutes.

The child continued to stare up at the Kazekage with a look of pure curiosity and awe, it's mouth slightly agape, revealing two missing bottom teeth, the child's tiny fists clutching the front of Gaara's robes.

Gaara glanced over his shoulder to see Kankurou shaking visibly in an effort to keep himself from making a noise.

"Those had better be tears," Gaara warned, deadpanned, Kankurou's eyes leaking at the sides.

"They _are!_" the elder squeaked, before promptly exploding into uproarious laughter and clutching his stomach.

The child tugged at Gaara's robes and the red-head looked back down at it, before the child decided to voice it's question again.

"What eyeliner do you use?"

((END. I have been wanting to write 'loud an undignified snort' for ages, and HAH! I got to do it! The thing about the tears is from a movie I can't remember right now. Had Bruce–Someone in it, I think. Anyway, hope you liked them, and there'll be more soon. Sorry I'm spamming your emails and stuff.))


	27. Hot Wax

Gaara sat with his back against the bathroom door, a pair of black shorts on and a matching pair of dark sunglasses on his nose. "I still don't understand why you females do it," Gaara called through the door.

"Some guys do it too!" Temari called back from the depths of the bathroom behind Gaara.

The younger one frowned a little, his unnecessary sunglasses glinting in the indoor lighting. "It's weird. You're inflicting pain upon yourself."

"It makes us pretty," Temari chirped.

"You'd rip your organs out of your throat if it was fashionable at the time?"

There was a pause.

"Maybe," the sister answered finally.

Without a warning, the bathroom door flew open and the red-head squeaked as he fell backwards, his sand only just stopping him from concussing himself on the hard bathroom tiles.

Temari stood over him, wearing nothing but a towel that just _might've_ been a little too short for her.

Gaara closed his eyes behind his sunglasses with a very slight twitch.

"Come! I'll show you!" the blonde, mostly-naked female smiled, grabbing Gaara by the arm and dragging him into the bathroom.

Kankurou passed the bathroom a few minutes later to hear angry muttering of '_goddamn sand_' and '_you're getting my defence sticky_' from behind the door. Knowing better than to open the door and ask, the puppeteer just continued down the hall, placing his hands over his ears just as a sudden, piercing shriek shot through the air.

When Baki popped in to give the Kazekage his report, he found the red-headded teen sitting on one of the couches, ice-packs placed all over one of his legs, and his arms crossed stubbornly over his chest.

The look Baki received could only be translated as '_ask, and I will rip your toenails out with pliers, imbed them in your throat one by one, pluck your eyes out, shove them up your ass, and then I'll fucking disembowel you with a goddamn piece of rusty, corrugated iron._'

The elder just gave the red-head the scroll and hurried out the door as quickly as he could.

"Fucking Temari and her hot-wax," grunted the teen, turning the scroll over in his fingers as Kyo prowled around on the floor.

Kyo decided that _he_ wanted the couch, since it was his anyway –_everything_ was–, and promptly jumped onto Gaara's leg.

To be honest, it wasn't pretty.

((END. Sorry about such the long wait! I've been obsessed with Kingdom Hearts, the LeonCloud pairing, and spewing as many KH stories as I can. It took me a moment to get back into the Naruto mood, so, I thought i'd finish this drabble. I hope to do a few more in the next few days. Enjoy!))


	28. Sunburn

The only words that could possibly get Gaara, the almighty sexy Kazekage's thoughts across at that very moment besides the most foul slew of swear-words that would, most likely, go on for hours, was the high-pitched "Oh. God. _Ow._" which floated from his lips.

Fucking academy students. Fucking training. Fucking Temari. Fucking _sun_.

Yes.

That is right, ladies and gentlemen.

Gaara was _sunburnt._

Not blushing-lobster-in-a-sauna red, but just a very slight pink. But, since he'd only rarely been hurt, –he still didn't like Lee or Sasuke that much because of it. Naruto slightly moreso, that little prick. Even if Gaara owed him– the throbbing, burning, _blistering_ pain from a sunburn was pure torture.

"Oh, ow..." sobbed the teen from his place in the large bathtub in the room adjacent to his own, the shiny porcelain bowl full of ice-cold water and said red-head. He wore nothing but a pair of tight black shorts, his sunburn spanning over his chest and arms.

Cephal the octopus bobbed about in the water too, swimming about around Gaara. Kankurou had said that the Kazekage needed 'company' and promptly tipped the octopus into the bath too.

Gaara was in too much pain to remove the squishy thing.

One of Cephal's tentacles attached itself to the red-head's sunburnt arm, little suckers sucking onto the skin, and suddenly removed itself again with a 'pop!'.

Squeezing his eyes closed, the Kazekage tried not to cry.

Cephal was a sadistic little blighter.

((END. I'm on a roll. Yup. The Octopus has been named Cephal. After it's genus, cephalopod. Prepare to be update-spammed for the next few days, and I beg for your forgiveness because of that. Enjoy.))


	29. Sand In Strange Places

Temari eyed her youngest brother with intrigue as he dismissed the last meeting for the day with a look akin to relief. If the Kazekage didn't like it, he could always reschedule. What was wrong?

The red-head shifted, a small frown melting onto his face as he shifted again in his chair, pretty white teeth biting at his lip.

Coming to stand beside her brother, Temari continued eying the boy with confusion as he continued shifting, as though he was trying to get comfortable on a chair of nails.

"What's wrong?" the blonde finally piped up.

"I think..." mumbled Gaara, shifting restlessly in his chair, face screwed up in a strained manner, "I've got sand down my shorts."

Temari's laughter quickly morphed into a hacking coughing fit.

((This is what I wanted to write for this subject, but I thought it was a bit weird. But, I then thought weird was good. Enjoy.))


	30. Temari's Cooking

'_Great googily __**moogily!**__ What the lactating spice-worms is__** that?**_

Gaara agreed with the voice in his head.

In a bowl on the kitchen table was a substance that looked not solid, nor liquid, not gas, or even any other stage of being the Kazekage or sand-demon could think of. It was like... a living amoeba with tentacles and eyes and--

GOOD _LORD_. Did it just _move?_

The red-head stared.

Holy fucking BANANA-muffins! It _did!_

Temari skipped into the kitchen with oven-mits on and an apron, skidding over to the table and slapping a bread-tray beside the bowl, pouring the amoeba into said tray, ignoring her little brother completely.

The Kazekage faintly felt his appetite commit suicide with a spatula to the heart.

He could've sworn the amoeba was laughing.

((Shukaku needed some love, so, I added him quickly into this drabble. I like this one. More than you could possibly imagine. 'Googily moogily' tickles something inside my mind which makes me smile so wide it hurts. Hope you like it!))


	31. Socks

It was exactly twenty two to three in the morning, and not a soul was stirring. Not even a mouse.

A red-headded teenager by the name of Gaara was lying sprawled on the couch in his livingroom, however. Teal eyes stared up at the ceiling silently, bored. Nothing to do. Can't sleep. The thing in his head would eat him.

"I'm not crazy," Gaara told himself. "I just have another consciousness in my brain."

'_Con-tra-dik-shun!_' Shukaku enunciated delightedly.

With a sigh, Gaara heaved himself to his feet. What to do...? He needed _something_ to do to keep himself busy...

Temari awoke in the morning at the sound of mewing. Immediately, she was sitting up, and she gaped silently at Kyo, who sat on the end of her bed –_his_ bed. _Everything_ was his–.

The cat stared back, all four limbs clad in a different coloured sock, his tail clad in a longer kind of sock, stockings tied around his middle, and a leg-warmer bunched around his fuzzy neck. Tufts of ginger fur stuck up in between the foot-coverings like weeds between tiles.

Gaara smirked when he heard the predicted shriek from upstairs.

"OH _GOD!_ IT'S THE STAY-PUFF'D MARSHMELLOW MAN'S_ SPAWN!_"

((Not my best, but, I wrote this quite a while ago and just forgot to post it. Enjoy! Ghost Busters are awesome.))


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